I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
