"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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