A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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