she looked like the bat from fern gully.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
