it was like eating out sand paper
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
