Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
