i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
