I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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