Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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