i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
