So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
