Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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