So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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