The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
