Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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