from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
