Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
