can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The Olympian is in my bed
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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