6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
