I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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