Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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