New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When did angry sex become our thing?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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