the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
