I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
