dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
