Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize