You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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