I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
