i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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