She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
