my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
