I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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