Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I fill condoms, not promises.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
