He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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