These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
