Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
