I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
