The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You're earring is so big in my mouth
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
