guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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