somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
