I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
