His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
