I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
