There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
