I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
