I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
