My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize