I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
