toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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