All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
