The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
