Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
