I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
