Too much gin, very little bucket
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
