I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
