Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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