Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize