I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There r osticjed everywhere
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
