Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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