I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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