I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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