I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
