I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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