Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Couch. On fire.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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