if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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