Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
