You can't motorboat a personality
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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