I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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