I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
