Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
