shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
