My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
