is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
