Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
