I swear she didn't look like that last week.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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