it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
