Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
