Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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