i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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