i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize