Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I touched a dick in church today
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
